In a world where logic doesnt hold value , nothing has to make sense, and the surreal is real, otherwise known as my mind and soul i guess :)


(((It is a task of the soul.)))

the nights are long and alone,
the days are shorter and cruel.
every breath seems to lack energy
it must seem like I live by the phone
waiting for a call that's not coming.

The TV is broken or does it just seem
An endless loop like my mind
And reels of films or is it memories
The restlessness is plunging me into something
That I do not attempt to figure.

once or twice I leave the house
to pace my legs, just to move
too many thoughts collide
too many to remove
wild stallions on a Montana plain.


((( It is a task of the soul
one should question everything
surely I'm here for a reason
surely there is a singular goal
for which I have an urgent calling?)))


The street corner has darkened
but I'm still walking
perhaps if not lost in my thoughts I would be afraid
the voice that I should hearken
is there; it has stayed
in my mind yet is still talking of other things.

the man I meet at the corner
is old, tired, yet his eyes are bright
I wonder at him, take his hand
but he brushes me aside
I can see his mouth open in the dim light
the words engulf me like a summer tide.


"Do you know," he says,
"what beauty is?"
I folded my hands behind me
started to walk away
but my voice carried behind me
sounding musical with the wind
"Beauty is the smile that's lights up the grim countenance,
the hand that lifts the downtrodden.
Beauty is the glow of the sunrise on a face,
it is the bright daisy in a gray day.
Beauty is the love that is unbearable,
it is the heart that is often touched.
Beauty is the tear that remembers the lost,
it is the cure in ones laughter."


(((It is a task of the soul
to find those who have sought knowledge
it is surely a task of the soul
to find those who acknowledge
the tears the Earth has shed
and help to ease its sorrow.)))


Leaving the plane, there is a rush of exhilaration
I cast off my listlessness to breathe the new air
surely this is what I needed
I cant believe I have dared to dare
but the corners of the Earth are there for me to discover
its a beautiful call that I have heeded.

(((It is a task of the soul
to seek the all of the Earth
made by God to bring you together
surely it is a task of the soul
to see new colors
to find all of Gods creation
and extol it in never ending streams of words)))

I parked in the vacant lot
got out, felt strange being back
felt less than full but I think I found peace
knowing I can be anywhere and
still be me, still do Gods work
still love Gods world
and praise his name.

"what is understanding?" asked the woman
getting out of the car next to me
to her daughter. I answered
slowly in my mind, as I walked inside
to escape the cold.

"Understanding is a different perspective,
It can be from the trusting eye or the hateful glare
It is anything viewed again and perspectives shifted.
Understanding is openness; it is a love that is regardless.
Understanding is to empathize, to sympathize, and to humanize.
It is to step in another shoe, and but also to be shoeless
It is seeing me in the eyes of you who are not like me
It is the willingness to imagine the other side."

(((It is a task of the soul
To question oneself and discover
One has the answer all along.
It is surely a task of the soul
To bring together memories and experience
And knit from it a blanket for a stranger.)))

The same hard bed I had slept in for years
Suddenly felt lighter, felt like home
Forging a heart of gold had made me cleaner
No longer nagging thoughts or unfinished
Movements, or jagged breaths and scrambled
Words that meant nothing in conversations
that were the same as yesterdays.

Sometimes I am indifferent to the cold
unlike everyday, I don't huddle to fight of the stinging, biting cold,
the icicles in the wind that blow and cut against your face
turning your lips purple
and etching lines in the corners of your eyes, which have frozen in permanent squints.
Those days, I feel powerful
for no good reason
and I stand straight
instead of bending against the cold.
I feel the chill, blue breaths and gusts move like a colossus through my ribs
and fight their way into the intricacies of my bones
and I welcome it
the pain has almost disappeared, numbed by cold and thought
and my mind feels like Emerson says, the transparent eyeball
watching the world
and I stand on the edge of the sidewalk
as if it's a mighty cliff
and look down unseeingly, at the vastness of the land
the thousands of feet it seems I will fall if I take another step
and I consider for a second, taking the step
not to end this amazing life, the air blowing my eyes open and closed with it's own force
but to just feel that three seconds of falling through the mad distance and laughing at the sheer joy, stupidity of it
but it won't happen
because it is only the sidewalk
and now I am dimly aware of the looks of the huddled people in many jackets
rushing to get home
and suddenly I feel the cold again with a force of a thousands elephants stampeding into my chest
and I fall back, gasping with cold and pain
and the happy hum in my ears
and the cliff I saw under my feet
and the smell of frozen pines
and the feeling of indescribable, and needless, exuberance
all die away
and I am another stranger rushing to get home in the frozen streets

Allah of course, and my friends, and that constant burning desire in my heart to do great things

The only way your life matters, or is worthwhile is if you impact someone in any way. If you leave a mark, no matter what it is. A true worth would be if it was a good thing, if you somehow made things better, or changed something or somebody for  the better- no matter how futile

what I can be.

Thoughts I’ve been having

I need to move mountains with my tongue, so why have I been silent?

And when there are earthquakes in my soul?

Why do I forget to fly?

When the children need my wings

And I yell my feelings and everyone knows I want to save the world

But what have I saved? And I don’t want to sink (again) into a bout of depression

Because everyone knows me as the happy girl the funny girl the silly girl, or maybe just the daughter of….

And obviously that’s who I consist of, that I have to hold down my own soul to act the way I should because of who my father is? So I have to live my life for them, because obviously that’s our purpose in the world, to make sure no one talks, to make sure everyone ELSE is pleased, and it doesn’t matter if you are. And its not just me is it, but everyone else chooses to integrate, is it wrong to integrate? No, is it wrong to live for others? Yea im thinking so..

So now I have to impress everyone but I have to be me

And who am I? No one knows me,

Everyone knows a part of me but there’s so much more to me

Than everyone else, it seems.

People seem to be one dimensional, and they are two dimension to their friends and others are three dimensional because there is so much more to them but I think I’m 5, 6,7 what, how far can it go, how many sides to me are there?

I know who am though, I think I can handle myself without you taking over the wheel, thanks but no thanks life. screw you

or maybe not, I guess you have been kinder to me than most..

I think its best to not think at all

I would march for those suffering in Gaza right now! Actually, I am going to march next weekend I think

the mixing of cultures, and peoples exposure to other cultures and all that, largely as a result of communication I guess. IN past centuries, becuase of a lack of worlwide sommunication and tv, etc, most countries were completely cut off.

another chance.  not the most original thing, but no less true

Well, yesterday was the 24th. I definetly had an interesting day, and I guess what I learned about myself was that i am not afraid of standing up for myself. I mean,  I already knew- and most people know about me- that I can be outspoken and opiniated. but now im glad that  i let out this even minuscule part of the torrent and mountain of anger i have toward this loathsome person., and did not let then squash me down again. The only reason I have stayed quite in her face is because i didnt want to create trouble for my family, but now I dont care how rude or disrespectful i was- be cause she did not deserve respect . after the incicident, my friend said ' ugh i hate people, theyre so corrupt blah blah blah' but i dont agree. i love peopel, people are beautiful but just some always go bad and try to drag everyone down with them